[ note: for serious answers, read texts by lish:
tattoo faq: http://compunction.dyndns.org/healing.txt
piercing faq: http://compunction.dyndns.org/healing2.txt ]


This FAQ will attempt to answer every single last question that
newbies commonly pose to the denziens of rec.arts.bodyart.  Feel
free to quote this FAQ at will.

Sections:

  I. Piercing
     1.Tongues
       -Does it hurt?
       -Will my speech be affected?
       -How long does it take to heal?
       -Will it bleed?
       -Ive heard about tongues exploding from being pierced.  Can
        this happen to me?
       -Should I pay attention to everyone who appears to know what
        theyre talking about and use a non-alchoholic, very mild 
        mouthwash or just plain saltwater for the first couple of 
        weeks to clean it, or should I just rub catshit all over it
        and lick garbage trucks?
       -Its been a while since I got it pierced and I dont like
        my jewelery/my jewelery pinches/its too long/its too short/
        its chipping my teeth/its freaking out my mom, what should
        I do???
     2.Ears
       -What gauge is a normal earring?
       -My piercer stuck his hands down his pants and then sniffed
        his fingers and then didnt put gloves on and then pierced
        me with a dirty hatpin, should I have said something?
       -I just stretched from 14g to 2g, and now my ear really
        hurts and its bleeding.  Did I do something wrong?  How
        come it hurts?
       -is it ok to stretch cartilege?
       -I have 71 piercings in my left ear and 93 in my right, including
        orbitals, industrials, helixes and rooks and snugs, arent I 
        cool?
     3.Lips
       -Will it hurt?
       -What kind of piercing should I get?  I mean I know I want my lip 
        done, but I cant decide where to get it done or on which lip.  
        Help me decide!
       -How long before I can kiss?
       -Todd Bertrang told me to go ahead and pound a railroad spike 
        through my lip with an iron mallet.  Although this sounds like
        good advice, for some reason im having completely base-less 
        second thoughts.  Should I just go ahead and do it?
     4.Navels
       -I really dont want to get anything by my ears done, but all
        my sorority sisters have been pressuring me to get my belly 
        button pierced but it really doesnt seem like a good idea I 
        mean after all what happens if my mother sees it shell have a 
        COW I mean oh my god I dont think I could handle THAT AND 
        a full course load of 12 credits in my second semester as
        a dolphin sociology major shut up its hard they make us go 
        to the aquarium every weekend.
     5.Genitals
       -I WANNA GET MY COCK PIERCED SO I CAN GIVE MY GIRLFRIEND SOME
        "EXTRA" LOVIN'!!!!!!!!!!  MY QUESTION IS AFTER I GET MY COCK
        PIERCED DOES IT BLEED ALOT!!!!! BECAUSE I WANNA GET MY COCK 
        PIERCED BUT I DONT WANT IT TO BLEED ALOT!!!!!!! DONT THINK 
        IM ANY LESS OF A MAN BECAUSE I DONT WANT IT TO BLEED ALOT ILL 
        KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!!!!!!!!!
       -Ummm..you know...how long uhh...
       -Whats a good gauge to start off an apadravya?
       -I saw a picture of a deep shaft apadravya/trans scrotal piercing/
        000gauge initial dermal punched hafada; is there any way I 
        can get one of those?
       -I'm planning having my bear daddy melt my scrotum off with an 
        acetylene torch whilst doing a Rite of Kali at the end of 
        which he will chew my penis off with his grandfather's dentures
        and cook it up and feed it to our dog Gunga whos actually a 
        reincarnation of the Great Sun King Oz Eirus, arent I special?  

Answers:

I.Piercing:
  1.Tongues
       -Does it hurt?

Yes.

       -Will my speech be affected?

Yes.

       -How long will it take to heal?

A while.  Maybe a month.  

       -Will it bleed?

Maybe.  But then again it might not.

       -Ive heard about tongues exploding from getting pierced...Can 
        this happen to me?

Yes, so youd better watch out.

       -Should I pay attention to everyone who appears to know what
        theyre talking about and use a non-alchoholic and and very
        mild mouthwash just plain saltwater for the first few weeks
        to clean it or should I just rub catshit all over it and 
        lick garbage trucks?

Go ahead and lick garbage trucks.  Those clean-freaks dont know
what the hell theyre talking about.  Avoid catshit though.  Just
trust me on that one.

       -Its been a while since I got pierced and I dont like my 
        jewelery/my jewelery pinches/its too long/its too short/
        its chipping my teeth/its freaking out my mom, what 
        should I do???

Take it out and put in some shorter/longer/thicker/thinner/less
intrusive/better looking jewelery.

  2.Ears

       -What gauge is a normal earring?

somewhere between 16 and 22.

       -My piercer stuck his hands down his pants and then sniffed
        his fingers and then didnt put gloves on and pierced me
        with a dirty hatpin; should I have said something?

Naw.  He knows what hes doing.  Hes the piercer after all, NOT YOU.
Dont be little miss smarty pants.

       -I just stretched from 14g to 2g, and now my ear really hurts
        and its bleeding.  Did I do something wrong?  How come it 
        hurts?

It hurts because it likes being stretched that much.  Dont worry about
it.  The pain means it stretched ok.  Dont worry about the blood;
you dont want people thinking you're a wuss, do you?

       -Is it ok to stretch cartilege?

Yes indeedy.  In fact, its the only way id do it, were I going after
a large gaping hole in my ear cartilege.  Dont forget to twist the 
taper HARD while shoving it through, as long as you dont lube it up
like a sissy it will generate the heat nessesary to cauterize the 
wound.

       -I have 71 piercings in my left ear and 93 in my right, 
        including orbitals, industrials, helixes, rooks and snugs.
        Arent I cool?

No.

  3.Lips

       -Will it hurt?

Yes.

       -What kind of piercing should I get?  I mean I know I want my lip
        done, but I cant decide where to get it done or on which lip.
        Help me decide!

This question comes up alot. Just think of the girl/boy in school (doesnt
matter which one, whichever one is prettier) that you want to be the 
most and get whatever they have.  Then you'll be best friends forever
and you can go to Marilyn Manson concerts and stuff together.

       -Todd Bertrang told me to go ahead and pound a railroad spike
        through my lip with an iron mallet.  Although this sounds like
        good advice, for some reason im having completely base-less
        second thoughts.  Should I just go ahead and do it?

Absolutely, Todd really knows his stuff.  If it hurts a little after
you pull the spike out (you really dont need to put jewelery in right
away, thats one of the beauties of this method of piercing), just 
soak a few bags of Twinkletime Hippie brand Chamomile tea and shove
them in the hole.  You may get some funny looks, but you'll feel 
better and you'll be one with the Universal Light Being at the same
time.
  
  4.Navels

       -I really dont want to get anything by my ears done, but all
        my sorority sisters have been pressuring me to get my belly
        button pierced but it really doesnt seem like a good idea I
        mean after all what happens if my mother sees it shell have a
        COW I mean oh my god I dont think I could handle THAT AND
        a full course load of 12 credits in my second semester as
        a dolphin sociology major shut up its hard they make us go
        to the aquarium every weekend.

Yes.

  5.Genitals

       -I WANNA GET MY COCK PIERCED SO I CAN GIVE MY GIRLFRIEND SOME
        "EXTRA" LOVIN'!!!!!!!!!!  MY QUESTION IS AFTER I GET MY COCK
        PIERCED DOES IT BLEED ALOT!!!!! BECAUSE I WANNA GET MY COCK
        PIERCED BUT I DONT WANT IT TO BLEED ALOT!!!!!!! DONT THINK
        IM ANY LESS OF A MAN BECAUSE I DONT WANT IT TO BLEED ALOT ILL
        KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, it bleeds alot.  It hurts and it bleeds alot.

       -Ummm..you know...how long uhh...

About a month...:)  As a very wise man once told me, "The first time
you think you're ready, you're not.  The second time, you're still not.
The third time just take it slow."

       -Whats a good gauge to start off an apadravya?

Id go 10g if I had to do it again.  12g for me is a little pinchy during 
sex.

       -I saw a picture of a deep shaft apadravya/trans scrotal piercing/
        000gauge initial dermal punched hafada; is there any way I
        can get one of those?
 
No.  As they say, if you have to ask...  

      -I'm planning having my bear daddy melt my scrotum off with an
       acetylene torch whilst doing a Rite of Kali at the end of
       which he will chew my penis off with his grandfather's dentures
       and cook it up and feed it to our dog Gunga whos actually a
       reincarnation of the Great Sun King Oz Eirus, arent I special?

No.  But im pretty sure you can get a password to BME/Extreme with that.




Next time, the TATTOO FAQ and Miscellanious Misanthropy!*




*you can take any comments about my spelling and/or grammar and stick
them straight up your pee hole.




-----yttrx