[ note: for serious answers, read texts by lish:
tattoo faq: http://compunction.dyndns.org/healing.txt
piercing faq: http://compunction.dyndns.org/healing2.txt ]


Part 1:  Piercings

 A. Kissing; Sucking

  1.  I just got my tongue pierced, how long before I can kiss?
  2.  I just got my labret pierced, how long before I can kiss?
  3.  I just got my nipples pierced, how long before I can kiss?
  4.  I just got my cock pierced by my good friend Todd Bertrang.
      As he was scooping out chunks of flesh from the inside of
      my shaft with a sharpened melon baller, we started talking
      about you, Yttrx.  We were wondering just how long I should
      wait before you can suck my dick.  And his too.

 B. Pulling; Tugging

  5.  My 12g nipples keep bothering me.  Ive had them pierced for about
      a year now, but they wont stop crusting and bleeding.  My
      dyke daddy swears that it has nothing to do with her dragging
      me by them behind her Harley in gay pride parades.  I dont
      mind the road on my belly so much, but I think shes wrong
      my nipples.  What should I do?
  6.  I saw a cool picture in a piercing magazine once that some
      gigantic pigfucker named russ made go away that had a chick with
      a ring in her tongue piercing and a little chain that was being
      pulled by someone off camera.  Well, I tried it with my
      girlfriend and now im bleeding.  What did I do wrong?
  7.  My new penis piercing is really freaking out my lover.  She doesnt
      want to play with it, and although she hasnt really come out and
      SAID it, I think she thinks its kind of gross.  My feelings
      are hurt, im very horny, and I really dont want to lose this
      piercing just to cover her sensibilities.  What should I do?
  8.  MY BITCH KEEPS SCREEMING WHENEVER I PULL ON HER PUSSY LIP RINGS
      DURING HEAVY FOREPLAY.  WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT THE
      FUCK WILL GET HER TO SHUT UP.  SHES WAKING UP THE NEIGHBORS.

 C. Shoving; Slamming

  9.  My uhmm...girlfriend and I are uhh..having some problems since
      I got my apadravya/ampallang...See, its kinda like ummm...I can get
      in a little bit, and then it just STOPS and it hurts alot..I
      think its the balls on the barbell that are getting in the way.
      What can I do about this?  We're both about ready to cry.
  10. Hi, my name is Russ and ive got a bit of a problem.  See, right
      after I pulverized a really great piercing chain and killed a
      really great publication, Mephistopheles lost his really expensive
      000g apadravya barbell.  Have you seen it?
  11. Hi, my real name is Norbert but my FREAK name is Vladimir 
      Darkheart.  Ive completely bisected my penis and have apadravyas
      and ampallangs a-kimbo.  Both sides of my shaft are tattooed with
      scenes from Lewis Carrol's Alice in Wonderland, but in the style
      Of Edward Gorey.  I'm thinking about a partial nullification, just
      ridding myself of my left half (I dont like things that are left anyhow)
      which I would do myself with an exacto knife, a bottle of vicodin, 
      13 rubber bands and some silver nitrate.  In spite of what my 
      friends say, I really dont think that my mother tying me up with 
      duct tape and leaving me under the kitchen sink to lick the moisture
      off of the drain pipe for weeks on end when I was between the ages
      of 3 and 21 really has anything to do with my genital modifications.  
      I really dont have a question, I just wanted you all to know how 
      extreme I am.  Arent I extreme?
 12. What are some piercing combinations to avoid in male/female 
       coitus?


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A. Kissing; Sucking

  1.  I just got my tongue pierced, how long before I can kiss?

        About a month.

  2.  I just got my labret pierced, how long before I can kiss?

        What the fuck is a labret?  Do you honestly think that
your labret is the space between your lip and your chin?  What the hell
is the matter with you?  You dont get your 'labret pierced'.  Are you even
old enough to get pierced?  I'll bet you arent. 

        About a month.

  3.  I just got my nipples pierced, how long before I can kiss?

        About a month.

  4.  I just got my cock pierced by my good friend Todd Bertrang.
      As he was scooping out chunks of flesh from the inside of
      my shaft with a sharpened melon baller, we started talking
      about you, Yttrx.  We were wondering just how long I should
      wait before you can suck my dick.  And his too.

        About a month.  But ill suck todd's dick any time, the little
 controversial cutie pie.

 B. Pulling; Tugging

  5.  My 12g nipples keep bothering me.  Ive had them pierced for about
      a year now, but they wont stop crusting and bleeding.  My
      dyke daddy swears that it has nothing to do with her dragging
      me by them behind her Harley in gay pride parades.  I dont
      mind the road on my belly so much, but I think shes wrong
      my nipples.  What should I do?

        You should listen to your daddy.  She knows best.

  6.  I saw a cool picture in a piercing magazine once that some
      gigantic pigfucker named russ made go away that had a chick with
      a ring in her tongue piercing and a little chain that was being
      pulled by someone off camera.  Well, I tried it with my
      girlfriend and now im bleeding.  What did I do wrong?

        You pulled to hard, and the jewelery is too thin.  If youre 
really into this kind of thing and not just talkin outta class, I would 
very highly suggest stretching your tongue to something a little more 
comfortable and a little less like a cheese cutter.  Be careful with this
kind of play; injuries may occur that may not be evident for a number of
days.

  7.  My new penis piercing is really freaking out my lover.  She doesnt
      want to play with it, and although she hasnt really come out and
      SAID it, I think she thinks its kind of gross.  My feelings
      are hurt, im very horny, and I really dont want to lose this
      piercing just to cover her sensibilities.  What should I do?

        If there is any grain of doubt in your mind that you actually 
belong with this person, get out of the relationship.  You really dont need
the hassle.  There are zillions of females in the world that think that penis
piercings are where its at.  Its not too terribly difficult to find one.  Dont
you want to be with someone who shares this kind of interest with you?
I know I do.

  8.  MY BITCH KEEPS SCREEMING WHENEVER I PULL ON HER PUSSY LIP RINGS
      DURING HEAVY FOREPLAY.  WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT THE
      FUCK WILL GET HER TO SHUT UP.  SHES WAKING UP THE NEIGHBORS.

        Her own panties and a roll of duct tape a few times around her 
head'll do the trick...*wink*

 C. Shoving; Slamming

  9.  My uhmm...girlfriend and I are uhh..having some problems since
      I got my apadravya/ampallang...See, its kinda like ummm...I can get
      in a little bit, and then it just STOPS and it hurts alot..I
      think its the balls on the barbell that are getting in the way.
      What can I do about this?  We're both about ready to cry.

        Labret backs.  Use labret backs.  Replace the balls on your 
barbell with labret backs.  (assuming yer not a dumbass and have the
kind of barbell with interchangable ends).  No one will tell you to use labret 
backs, but believe me, they really work extremely well.  You'll thank me.  
Trust me.  If you and your lover find that two labret backs tend to detract 
from the general 'experience' of having an apa/amp in the first place, try just 
one flat back and one ball.  Often this does the trick and still ends enough 
sensation to be more than worth the pain of the piercing....

10. Hi, my name is Russ and ive got a bit of a problem.  See, right
      after I pulverized a really great piercing chain and killed a
      really great publication, Mephistopheles lost his really expensive
      000g apadravya barbell.  Have you seen it?

        Yeah, its up yer ass along with your ethics, your morals, your 
motivations and your head.  You may have to remove your accountants
tongue first though, to get to the rest.

 11. Hi, my real name is Norbert but my FREAK name is Vladimir 
       Darkheart.  Ive completely bisected my penis and have apadravyas
       and ampallangs a-kimbo.  Both sides of my shaft are tattooed with
       scenes from Lewis Carrol's Alice in Wonderland, but in the style
       Of Edward Gorey.  I'm thinking about a partial nullification, just
       ridding myself of my left half (I dont like things that are left anyhow)
       which I would do myself with an exacto knife, a bottle of vicodin, 
       13 rubber bands and some silver nitrate.  In spite of what my 
       friends say, I really dont think that my mother tying me up with 
       PVC tape and leaving me under the kitchen sink to lick the moisture
       off of the drain pipe for weeks on end when I was between the ages
       of 3 and 21 really has anything to do with my genital modifications.  
       I really dont have a question, I just wanted you all to know how 
       extreme I am.  Arent I extreme?

        Yes, yes you are.  

 12. What are some piercing combinations to avoid in male/female 
       coitus?

        Apadravya/fourchette ring.  Apadravya/horizontal hood ring.
Apadravya/triangle ring.  Ampallang/inner labia rings. PA/inner labia
barbells.  Ampallang/sphincter rings.  Todd Bertrang's wang and *.




Next time:  Tattoo sex FAQ and more miscellanious misanthropy!

Heres a preview:

"...trying cold water and a little detergent.  Some may find sudden 
disappearance disconcerting, but using saran wrap as a ..."




-----yttrx


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