[ note: for serious answers, read texts by lish:
tattoo faq: http://compunction.dyndns.org/healing.txt
piercing faq: http://compunction.dyndns.org/healing2.txt ]


Yttrx's Body Modification FAQ, Part Two; Tattoos

This FAQ will attempt to answer every last one of the common
tattoo questions asked of the denziens of rec.arts.bodyart
by starry-eyed newbies.

I. Before getting tattooed

        1. Will it hurt?
           a. Even if its on my shoulderblade?
           b. Even if its on my chest?
           c. Even if its on my calf?
           d. How about the inside of my upper arm?
        2. Ive really wanted a tattoo for a long time...what
           should I get?
        3. I live in the Chicago Illinios area, and id like
           to get a tattoo.  Can you recommend anyone?
        4. I WANT MY GIRLFRIEND TO GET MY NAME TATTOOED ON 
           HER ASS BUT THE BITCH KEEPS MAKING EXCUSES THAT SHE
           DOESNT WANT TO BUT ILL MAKE HER AND SHELL DO IT IF 
           SHE KNOWS WHATS GOOD FOR HER ANYWAY MY QUESTION IS
           IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET THE LETTERS BACKWARDS YOU KNOW
           SO YOU CAN READ IT IN A MIRROR??????????
        5. I heard that you can get a tattoo with glow in the 
           dark ink, but where can I get one?  
        6. I have a tattoo of my fraternity letters on my ass
           but I want to get them covered up with something else.
           The problem is, I still want to show my loyalty to 
           my fraternity and I dont want my brothers to get upset
           that I covered up the letters.  What should I get?
        7. I dont understand how anyone could abuse their bodies
           like this.  It makes me ill.  What do your poor mothers
           think about all of this?
II. After getting tattooed
        1. Ive been rubbing aloe vera/skin so soft/Bodyshop Twinkletime
           Hippie Dippie Ding Dong lotion all over my brand new tattoo
           now every half an hour for two weeks, yet it still seems
           as vivid and vibrant as the day I got it.  Whats the deal
           with that?
        2. What should I do with all the scabs ive been picking off
           my new tattoo?
        3. Wait a minute, hold on, you mean this thing is permanent?
        4. I have a 'tribal' tattoo on my face/my penis/my head/my 
           earlobe/my inner labia/my anus, arent I special?
        5. Id love to get a tattoo on my face/my penis/my head/my 
           earlobe/my inner labia/my anus, but im one of those people
           that has a REAL job and I really cant be bothered with anything
           like that lest my bosses find out that im really an immature
           little freak.  I guess I really dont have a question, I 
           really just typed that to justify my own wussiness and to 
           secretly lament my own lack of public freakishness.  Ive 
           really sold out and it makes me feel very small inside.
        6. My mom saw my tattoo and kicked me out of the house.  Now im 
           living in the dumpster behind the mall with my friends who 
           were also kicked out of their houses.  We're having a hard time
           out here and its getting cold.  Can you spare some change?
        6a. I have some facial piercings and an anarchy tattoo on the
           inside of my forearm.  I live in the suburbs of Chicago and
           my mom drives me in to the city every saturday so I can 
           sit on the sidewalk near Clark and Belmont and beg for change
           with my friends.  My mom gives gave me her visa gold card to
           buy a brand new 400 dollar leather corset, but the bitch 
           at the 99th Floor wont take it because it doesnt have my 
           name on it.  I'm trying to raise the money to get the corset
           anyhow; can you spare some change?


I. Before getting tattooed

        1. Will it hurt?

                Yes.

           a. Even if its on my shoulderblade?
                
                Yes.

           b. Even if its on my chest?

                Yes.

           c. Even if its on my calf?

                Yes.

           d. How about the inside of my upper arm?

                Yes.  Like a rusty razorblade being drawn 
                slowly through your living flesh by an army
                of fire ants.

        2. Ive really wanted a tattoo for a long time...what
           should I get?

                You should get a strangely attractive demon 
                with red skin and big beautiful black dragon
                wings sitting in front of a computer with a 
                cigarette dangling from its mouth and a 
                maniacal grin with 'Yttrx Forever' scrolled
                underneath.

        3. I live in the Chicago Illinios area, and id like
           to get a tattoo.  Can you recommend anyone?

                Patrick Cornolo and Kim Saigh.  You wont
                be remotely disappointed by either one.

        4. I WANT MY GIRLFRIEND TO GET MY NAME TATTOOED ON
           HER ASS BUT THE BITCH KEEPS MAKING EXCUSES THAT SHE
           DOESNT WANT TO BUT ILL MAKE HER AND SHELL DO IT IF
           SHE KNOWS WHATS GOOD FOR HER ANYWAY MY QUESTION IS
           IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET THE LETTERS BACKWARDS YOU KNOW
           SO YOU CAN READ IT IN A MIRROR??????????

                Yes.

        5. I heard that you can get a tattoo with glow in the
           dark ink, but where can I get one?

                You cant.  Drop it.  Move on.  Live without it.
                Quit posting here.  Go away.  Deal.  It will 
                never happen.  Give up.

        6. I have a tattoo of my fraternity letters on my ass
           but I want to get them covered up with something else.
           The problem is, I still want to show my loyalty to
           my fraternity and I dont want my brothers to get upset
           that I covered up the letters.  What should I get?

                A Yosemite Sam with guns a-blazin.  That oughta
                fool 'em.

        7. I dont understand how anyone could abuse their bodies 
           like this.  It makes me ill.  What do your poor mothers
           think about all of this?
                
                Mom?            

II. After getting tattooed
        1. Ive been rubbing aloe vera/skin so soft/Bodyshop Twinkletime
           Hippie Dippie Ding Dong lotion all over my brand new tattoo
           now every half an hour for two weeks, yet it still seems
           as vivid and vibrant as the day I got it.  Whats the deal
           with that?

                You need to pick the scabs alot.  That will make it
                heal really nicely, and you'll get lots and lots of
                dullness and spotty color.  Dont forget to pick them
                EVERY SINGLE DAY.

        2. What should I do with all the scabs ive been picking off
           my new tattoo?

                Eat them.

        3. Wait a minute, hold on, you mean this thing is permanent?

                Ohhh yeah.  Dont worry, you can just cross her  
                name out when you find The One (TM).

        4. I have a 'tribal' tattoo on my face/my penis/my head/my
           earlobe/my inner labia/my anus, arent I special?

                No.

        5. Id love to get a tattoo on my face/my penis/my head/my
           earlobe/my inner labia/my anus, but im one of those people
           that has a REAL job and I really cant be bothered with anything
           like that lest my bosses find out that im really an immature
           little freak.  I guess I really dont have a question, I
           really just typed that to justify my own wussiness and to
           secretly lament my own lack of public freakishness.  Ive
           really sold out and it makes me feel very small inside.

                Dont sweat it.  If EVERYONE who had permanent visible 
                body modifications went out and got all the Real Jobs (TM)
                there'd be none left for those of us with testicles and
                half a brain.

        6. My mom saw my tattoo and kicked me out of the house.  Now im
           living in the dumpster behind the mall with my friends who
           were also kicked out of their houses.  We're having a hard time
           out here and its getting cold.  Can you spare some change?

                NO!  Get a fucking job, nutbag.  Dont make me slap you.

        6a. I have some facial piercings and an anarchy tattoo on the
           inside of my forearm.  I live in the suburbs of Chicago and
           my mom drives me in to the city every saturday so I can
           sit on the sidewalk near Clark and Belmont and beg for change
           with my friends.  My mom gives gave me her visa gold card to
           buy a brand new 400 dollar leather corset, but the bitch
           at the 99th Floor wont take it because it doesnt have my
           name on it.  I'm trying to raise the money to get the corset
           anyhow; can you spare some change?

                NO!!!  And next time I see you sitting there, I swear
                to GOD im going to plant one of my 250 dollar steel
                toed doc martens that I bought with money from my
                REAL JOB right in your fucking face.  Goddamnit,
                you really REALLY piss me off.


Miscellanious Misanthropy:

        -- People in the world who can kiss my ass:
                1. People with more expensive boots than me
                2. People who have found 'religion'
                3. Christians who want me to be christian too.
                4. Muslims who think that Allah wants them to kill
                   me.
                5. People who spend 120,000 dollars on college, grad
                   school and then post grad and whine because they
                   cant find a job being a Jungian Analytical Reichian
                   bodywork therapist for undiscovered virii that may 
                   or may not have existed in the writings of Gurdjieff
                   pertaining to extraterrestrial intelligences in the
                   vicinity of Sirius B.
                6. People who went to college for HALF the time that 
                   I did, but actually walked out with a degree in 
                   phys-ed or something and now make six figures 
                   being MY BOSS.
                7. People who think my tongue piercing is 'icky'.
                8. Icky people who have tongue piercings.
                9. Todd Bertrang.
                10. Percolating pubescent girls in baby tees and 
                    vinyl circle skirts with flourescent green and 
                    yellow pigtails and Hello Kitty plastic purses
                    squealing about this being their first time ever
                    at the Berlin, and then promptly leaving with mildly
                    disturbed looks on their faces after the transexual 
                    brigade arrives.
                11. Girls who wear baby tees.
                12. Boys who wear baby tees.
                13. Scientologists
                14. Anyone who ever wore anything in the late eighties
                    that said 'Die yuppie scum!'
                15. People who think Sketchers are as cool as Doc Martens.
                16. People who think ANYthing is as cool as Doc Martens.
                17. Teenie boppers in 'mosh' pits who whine when you 
                    stomp on their face.
                18. Hippie dippie dipshits who can see my 'aura' and think
                    I need to be more 'spiritual' so that I can 'heal'.
                19. Wiccans who cant admit that Gardener invented their 
                    religion and that it really isnt a milleniums-old
                    system of mysterious rites and rituals that came from
                    the Great Yoni of the Goddess.
                20. People who think that Ascii is Real.




-----yttrx