[ note: for serious answers, read texts by lish:
tattoo faq: http://compunction.org/healing.txt
piercing faq: http://compunction.org/healing2.txt ]

Yttrx's World Famous Punk Piercing Method #1, Cheek Skewering for Fun and Profit

(Be sure to check out Yttrx's World Famous Punk Piercing Methods
#2-10 as well, coming soon to a newsgroup near you)

1. Get really drunk.  This piercing is best done under the influence of Tequila
because of its rather inherent violent and bad-ass nature.  You can also 
use Jack Daniels or Anti-freeze.  Dont mix them though.  Punks dont drink 
mixed drinks.

2. Steal something long and sharp.  Skewers are good, as are those pointy things
that you put kabob on.  Some people like to use hatpins.

3. Sterilize it.  Just dump some left over jack daniels or something on it and
wipe it clean on your tongue.  Punks never waste alchohol.

4. Make sure that you're very very skinny and sick alot from doing alot of hard
drugs.  This is essensial for the healing process.  You cant get really good
bruises and mystery bleeding without a very strict regime of herion and speed.

5. Now its time to pierce your cheek.  Hold the sharp pointy thing under a crack
lighter until its really fucking hot.  Open your mouth.  Its very important that
you keep your mouth open for the rest of this piercing.  As hard as you can, 
shove the pointy thing through your cheek as hard as you can.  If you are 
very very lucky, and your aim is right, and youve shoved hard enough, you should
now have a long pointy thing sticking out of your other cheek.

6. It is in bad taste to start screaming, so dont.  Punks like pain, and can take
it without being a wuss.  If you start crying, make sure to get a very serious
look on your face and pretend that you're really mad.  Its ok to tear up as long
as you're really mad at the same time.  

How to make money:

Between step 4 and step 5, find some tourists.  If you're in manhattan, you'll 
want to go to washington square, especially on a saturday.  ESPECIALLY in the
fall on a saturday.  You'll find lots and lots of wide-eyed NYU freshmen in
there wandering around like little lost kittens.  They're PRIMO targets.

Jump out in front of them right after you make the pointy thing really fucking
hot.  Follow through the rest of step five, but before you go on to step 6, 
you need to get some dough out of them.  

Its easy.  Just start yelling at them to give you money while you have a sharp
thing shoved through your cheeks.  Tell them that you're a performance artist.
Tell them that you did it for religious reasons and you want them to donate some
green to your church.  Whatever you do, dont threaten them with physical violence.

Punks dont mug people.  They only mug punks.

After you get your dough, continue down to Aftercare:


1.  You have a fucking skewer through your face.  Pull it out, dumbshit.

2.  Drink lots more alchohol.  It will sterilize the inside of your cheeks.

3.  DONT wipe the blood off your face.  This is unacceptable behavior.  Punks
    like to have blood on their faces.

4.  If it gets infected (swollen and bruised and really pussy), try not to rub y
    tongue on the inside holes.  That stuff tastes like shit.  Just pinch the 
    puffy parts and wipe off all the goo on something.


This post is dedicated to Sam, the last punk.  Hes probably dead now, but he used
to hang out in washington square alot and piss on the benches.