[ note: for serious answers, read texts by lish:
tattoo faq: http://compunction.org/healing.txt
piercing faq: http://compunction.org/healing2.txt ]

Yttrx's World Famous Punk Piercing Method #2; Home Surgery!


A bottle of tequila (Jack Daniel's can be substituted in a pinch)
Some water
A pot
A pair of common household cuticle scissors
Lots and lots of paper towels
A mirror
A week's supply of smack
Some tinfoil
An earring stud with a butterfly back.  
A sidewalk
A engorged and festering cyst with a butterfly back embedded in it

1. Get all of the materials listed above.

2. Sit down on a sidewalk somewhere with all of the materials listed

3. Use the tequila to get really drunk.  And remember, punks drink it
right out of the fucking bottle.  

4. Take the earring stud that you brought with you and rub it back and
forth on the sidwalk to sharpen it.

5. Grasp one of your earlobes tightly with the thumb and forefinger (or
whatever intact fingers youve got) of either hand and with all of your
might, shove the sharpened end of the earring stud through your earlobe.

6. Pick up the butterfly back and push it over the sharp end of the
earring stud.  Make sure its TIGHT.  The tighter the better.  Make it
hurt.  Make it bleed.  Punks are *always* in pain.

8. Rub some sidewalk grime all over your new piercing.  Make sure to
really work it into the hole.  This would be a good time to start shouting
some british obscenities to anyone who happens to be around.  'Piss off
you bloody wanker' is an oldie but a goodie.

7. Wait two weeks.  During this time you may feel free to do some of the
smack you brought; but DONT shoot up.  Thats why you brought tinfoil and
not syringes, dumbass.  You can also beg for change and food from
passers-by.  If you're really in the mood, you may refer to Yttrx's World
Famous Punk Piercing Method #1, Cheek Skewering for Fun and Profit.

8. After two weeks, pick up the mirror and look your earlobe with it.  Is
it nice and huge?  Does it hurt alot?  Is it some kind of weird color?
Can you still see the earring?  If you answered yes to all but the last
question, you may go to step 9.  If not, go back to step 7.

9. Put the water that you brought with you into the pot.  Put the pot on
top of the fire.  Put the pair of common houshold cuticle scissors into
the pot of water.  (this is an acceptable sterilization method for this
particular bit)

10. Take the aspirin, cause the next few steps are going to be VERY

11. After the water has been boiling for at LEAST a minute, reach in and
pull out the cuticle scissors.  Now pay attention, because the next two
steps have to be done as quickly as possible:

12. While the cuticle scissors are still very hot, pick up the mirror and
wedge it between your legs so that you can see your earlobe.

13. While the cuticle scissors are still very hot, grasp your engorged and
festering cyst with the butterfly back embedded in it with the fingers of
your choice.  

14. While the cuticle scissors are still very hot, close them and plunge
the point straight into the engorged and festering cyst.

15. Squeeze your lobe with your fingers as hard as you can.  If you hear a
loud *POP* sound in that ear, you did it right.  If you hear a loud *POP*
sound with BOTH ears, you did it REALLY right.

16. Grab some paper towels and wipe off all the blood and puss and any
hard thing that might be hanging around in there.  Study the lumpy cottage
cheese-and-bloody goo stuff.  Poke it with your fingers.  See if either
the earring stud or the butterfly back is in there anywhere.  If they're
both in there, proceed to the last step.  If you are missing one or the
other, or both, proceed to the next step.

17. After having wiped off the excess blood and puss and stuff, slowly
snip away at the edge of the hole you made with the cuticle scissors
until it meets the hole that your earring is/was in.  Continue blotting
wound with paper towels so you can see what the fuck you're doing.

18. Once you have a nice big hole, close the cuticle scissors and insert
the point into the hole, then slowly open the scissors to open the hole so
you can see if theres anything left in there.  If theres too much blood
and shit in there, feel around with your fingers.

19. When you feel something hard, slowly move the cuticle scissors until
they are touching it, then close the scissors on it.

20. Pull it out.

21. Repeat until both the earring stud and the butterfly back are
accounted for.

22. Pour lots of tequila over the wound to clean it off.  Alternately, if
youd rather be drinking the alchohol than putting it on your ear, pour the
water out of the pot and piss in it.  Then pour your urine over the wound
cause thats sterile and itll clean it off better.



This portion of Yttrx's World Famous Punk Piercing Method was brought to
you by the letters F and U and the number 666